Well, it’s here: my 39th birthday. I have exactly one year to make changes.
Honestly? I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and discouraged. Can I really do this? Lately, I’ve been the queen of excuses, eating foods I know aren’t good for me, and not taking great care of myself. And I can feel it: I feel like crap 😦
A few weeks ago, I felt on top of the world, totally invincible! Today, as I sit here barely an hour into my last year of my 30s, I feel disheartened.
The thing is, I knew this was coming. I knew those euphoric feelings wouldn’t last. They never do. Be it a new job, a new lover, a new health kick, they always start out with such amazing energy. Then it fizzles. These things don’t just happen, they take work.
Part of me wants to throw in the towel. The road ahead seems so steep, and the goal line seems closer than I anticipated. Then what? What would happen if I quit? I’d be far less healthy, heavier, and sadder.
If I did just give up, I’d feel a bit ashamed. So many people have given me encouragement. If I gave up, I’d be letting them down. But is that the reason to do this? To make other people happy? To have other people take notice and praise me?
I need to be able to do this for me, no one else.
I am tired. It’s been a long, emotionally draining few days. I will continue my birthday post in the morning.